Home Away From Home

I found it! I finally found it! 
A home away from home.
A place I can go to,
and I always know I'll have people who will be there for me.
They've got my back and I've got theirs.
We're all the best of friends; laughing, joking, smiling, playing games...
These people are the most amazing people ever.
They know how to have fun, and they're just all around amazing people.

there's always a turning point in these stories.
Guess what?
I was wrong.
I didn't find it.
I didn't find anything.
I thought these people were my friends.
I really thought they were.
But nope.
They're nothing.
Just like what I am to them.
Now they're all laughing and joking and smiling and playing games with eachother.
Meanwhile, I'm just sitting there. In the same room as them.
Sitting there watching them all have fun.

Exclusion. That's what I feel when I'm around these people.
The people that I went so far as to call my home.
My family.

Maybe this is why it's hard for me to trust?
I believed - I actually believed I could trust these people,
and give them everything I had.
I was wrong.
I could never see them again and they wouldn't even notice a difference.

I mean, sure, I AM friends with some of these people.
Some of them are actually really nice and have been the best of friends to me.
They've given me all the strength and advice to make me that much stronger.
They've helped me solve my problems, been my shoulder to cry on, and been there to make me laugh when I was having a bad day. They make me so happy. Some of my better friends are included in this family.

So even though I absolutely adore some of these people, and they adore me as well, I still get this horrible stomach aching pain when I'm with the group as a whole.
I feel like they dislike me so much.
I want to leave them, because I can't stand thinking that,
but I love it. The group.
I love the group.
I love the idea of the group.

I'm not gunna let these people get in my way of enjoying myself.
But just so you all know, a smile goes a long way.
A "hello!" and a hug goes a long way.
Is it really THAT hard to be friendly to someone?
To include someone rather than exclude them?
I guess so.

But like I always say,
this just makes me stronger.

~Rebecca Marie

Let's put it this way, ...

Just gunna say this now,
but some of my writings have secret meanings, secret codes.
If you read one that doesn't make any sense to you,
there's probably a reason to why it looks funny.
You may or may not understand what I'm talking about.
Scratch that.
99% of the time you're gunna be clueless as to who or what I'm talking about.
But I try to generalize these posts so you can relate to what I'm saying.
There's little words or sentences that are kind of like inside jokes with myself,
so if you don't get it, I won't be offended (:
But if you think you do get it,
or you inferred it in your own way to make some sort of sense,
then good for you :D
You may very possibly be correct.
Sometimes we all get that sixth sense of just knowing without necessarily comprehending or understanding.
I'll leave you with that.
-That one girl.

Broken-hearted Girl

It's gunna take all my strength to learn to love again.
To learn to trust again.
But I'll try.
For you.
But promise me one thing,
you'll do the same in return.


I'm just making this post because I haven't posted anything in a while...
I actually really want to write something again though - a free write.
I like free writes because they're a way to express what you wanna say and
show everything that's on your mind. It's like your subconscious talking.
It's soo greatt(:
But anyways...
I'll just tell you how my day went.
Today was 5 months with Kevin. Hazah!
That's a long time, is it not?
We went to the park and had a little picnic and made PB&Js and shtuffferzz(:
It was quite a fun dayy(:
Kinda short, but fun nonetheless.
Well, I'm kind of supposed to be doing History homework...
we have to do a bunchhh of definitions.. they're called IDs.. they kinda reallyyy suck.
Like A G6 just came on the radio.
I like this song.
I don't really wanna get off the computer till this song is finished.. haha
but I have lots of work to doooo/:
Oh well. This was pretty much just a diary entry.
Don'ttttt expect anyone to read it.
Unless you're just THAT bored...
which, admittedly, I am some times :D

Soul Mate (Free Write)

Is there such thing as a soul mate?
If there is... I want one.
Or do I already have one?

When I was little I used to always think that everybody had a match.. a perfect match.. a soul mate. 
And the minute you saw them, you'd be like "WOW. That's the one."
And you'd wanna spend your wholeeee entire life with them.
You guys would play together, laugh together, have fun together, be silly together...
but most of all,
you'd be in love.
And you'd know it.

It would be easy to tell who you were in love with.
Cuz there's only one person meant for another person.

But no.
You grow up - you move on.
You have crushes. 
You date.
You fall in love... IS IT THE ONE?!
No. You have your heart broken.
Then you repeat.
It's a never ending process.

Until you finally find the one. 
THE one.

But how are you supposed to know it's the one?
How do you know?
There's no arrow pointing to them saying "HEY LOOKS ITS ME! I'M MEANT FOR YOU!"
No. Instead, they're just an average Joe in jeans,
and it's your job to find out if you're in love with them.

You fall in and out of love.
They make you laugh. They make you cry.
But isn't that love?

If love were easy, it'd be a prostitute.
But love's not easy - it's a club, and you have to find your prostitute.
(Like my little made-up analogy there, huh? Yea me neither.. :p )

You live and you learn.

Me? I'm stuck in the middle.
I'm over here wondering
"Is it love? Or is it lust?"